Translating Poems
Thinking Activity : Translating Poems
This blog is a part of thinking activity based on Translation Studies assigned by Dr. Dilip Barad Sir in which We will share the translating of Poems with the help of AI generative tools with evaluating Sound, metre, syntax, tone, grammar, and cultural connotations, and discuss about the challenges.
Poem 1 :
Faiz Ahmed Faiz's Urdu poem "Mujh Se Pehli Si Mohabbat Mere Mehboob Na Maang"
مجھ سے پہلی سی محبت مری محبوب نہ مانگ
میں نے سمجھا تھا کہ تو ہے تو درخشاں ہے حیات
تیرا غم ہے تو غم دہر کا جھگڑا کیا ہے
تیری صورت سے ہے عالم میں بہاروں کو ثبات
تیری آنکھوں کے سوا دنیا میں رکھا کیا ہے
تو جو مل جائے تو تقدیر نگوں ہو جائے
یوں نہ تھا میں نے فقط چاہا تھا یوں ہو جائے
اور بھی دکھ ہیں زمانے میں محبت کے سوا
راحتیں اور بھی ہیں وصل کی راحت کے سوا
ان گنت صدیوں کے تاریک بہیمانہ طلسم
ریشم و اطلس و کمخاب میں بنوائے ہوئے
جا بہ جا بکتے ہوئے کوچہ و بازار میں جسم
خاک میں لتھڑے ہوئے خون میں نہلائے ہوئے
جسم نکلے ہوئے امراض کے تنوروں سے
پیپ بہتی ہوئی گلتے ہوئے ناسوروں سے
لوٹ جاتی ہے ادھر کو بھی نظر کیا کیجے
اب بھی دل کش ہے ترا حسن مگر کیا کیجے
اور بھی دکھ ہیں زمانے میں محبت کے سوا
راحتیں اور بھی ہیں وصل کی راحت کے سوا
مجھ سے پہلی سی محبت مری محبوب نہ مانگ
Translations generated by Chatgpt
Hindi Translation
मुझसे पहली सी मोहब्बत मेरे महबूब न मांग
मैंने समझा था कि तू है तो रोशन है ज़िंदगी
तेरा ग़म है तो दुनिया के ग़म से क्या वास्ता
तेरे चेहरे से ही बहारें दुनिया में टिकी हैं
तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रखा क्या है
तू जो मिल जाए तो क़िस्मत झुक जाए
ऐसा नहीं था, मैंने बस चाहा था ऐसा हो
और भी दुःख हैं दुनिया में मोहब्बत के सिवा
और भी सुकून हैं मिलन के सुख के सिवा
अनगिनत सदियों की काली, हिंसक जादूगरी
रेशम, ऐटलस, और कीमती कपड़ों में बुनी हुई
हर गली और बाज़ार में बिकते हुए जिस्म
मिट्टी में लिपटे हुए, खून से नहाए हुए
बीमारियों की भट्टियों से निकले हुए शरीर
पीप टपकते हुए, सड़ते हुए नासूरों से
नज़र वहीं चली जाती है, पर क्या कीजिए
अब भी तेरा हुस्न दिलकश है, मगर क्या कीजिए
और भी दुःख हैं दुनिया में मोहब्बत के सिवा
और भी सुकून हैं मिलन के सुख के सिवा
मुझसे पहली सी मोहब्बत मेरे महबूब न मांग
English Translation
Do not ask me for the love I once gave you, my beloved
I had thought that if I had you, life would shine
If your sorrow was mine, what else would matter?
Your beauty gave permanence to the world’s spring
What worth does the world have beyond your eyes?
If I have you, destiny would bow before me
It was not like this—I had only wished it to be so
But there are other griefs in this world besides love
Other joys exist apart from the joy of union
Countless centuries’ dark, brutal enchantment
Woven into silks, satins, and brocades
Bodies sold in every street and marketplace
Covered in dust, drenched in blood
Bodies emerging from furnaces of diseases
Pus flowing, sores rotting away
The gaze turns to these, what can one do?
Even now, your beauty is enchanting—but what can one do?
There are other griefs in this world besides love
Other joys exist apart from the joy of union
Do not ask me for the love I once gave you, my beloved
Analysis of Translation
1. Syntax (Sentence Structure)
- Hindi: The sentence structure in Hindi maintains the fluidity of the Urdu original. However, Hindi uses a slightly more formal tone compared to the conversational flow of Urdu. The syntax often places the verb at the end, consistent with the rules of Hindi grammar, e.g., "मुझे समझा था कि तू है तो रोशन है ज़िंदगी" mirrors the original structure but feels heavier due to Hindi's grammatical norms.
- English: The English translation simplifies the syntax, aiming for readability and poetic cadence. For example, "Do not ask me for the love I once gave you" is direct and linear, reflecting English's preference for Subject-Verb-Object order, sacrificing some of the original’s rhythmic complexity.
2. Meter and Sound
- Hindi: The rhythm in Hindi translation mirrors the original poem’s cadence, maintaining a lyrical quality. However, Hindi lacks the soft assonance and lilting quality of Urdu, as Urdu inherently uses Persian-Arabic sounds, e.g., "रेशम, ऐटलस, और कीमती कपड़ों में" maintains a rhythmic structure but doesn’t replicate the musicality of "ریشم و اطلس و کمخاب."
- English: English translation struggles with meter due to its syllable-stressed rhythm system. Phrases like "Bodies sold in every street and marketplace" sound prose-like compared to the fluidity of the original Urdu. English’s hard consonants and limited use of elongated vowels reduce the euphony present in Urdu.
3. Lexicon and Grammar
- Hindi: The vocabulary in Hindi captures the essence of the Urdu text but sometimes feels less nuanced. For example, "दिलकश" (enchanting) directly translates the feeling of "دل کش," but words like "जादूगरी" lack the mysticism of "طلسم." Grammatically, Hindi aligns well with Urdu, retaining a formal register.
- English: English translation introduces straightforward terms to replace the layered meanings of Urdu lexicon. For example, "Countless centuries’ dark, brutal enchantment" captures "ان گنت صدیوں کے تاریک بہیمانہ طلسم" but lacks the intricate connotations of "طلسم." The grammar in English is simplified, leading to a loss of poetic depth.
4. Cultural Connotations
- Hindi: The Hindi translation preserves much of the cultural imagery, like references to "रेशम," "मिट्टी," and "नासूर," which resonate with an Indian audience familiar with Urdu poetic traditions. However, it misses the deep connections of Urdu to Persianate aesthetics, which are subtly embedded in words like "بہاروں" and "نگوں."
- English: English translation loses significant cultural richness. References to "silks, satins, and brocades" or "pus flowing, sores rotting away" convey the materiality but not the layered socio-cultural critique of the original. Moreover, English readers may miss the implicit commentary on colonial and feudal oppression inherent in the Urdu text.
Over all
- Hindi retains the original poem's cultural and linguistic depth but struggles to match Urdu's inherent musicality and layered meanings.
- English makes the poem accessible to a global audience but sacrifices the complexity of sound, meter, and cultural richness, presenting a less nuanced and more literal interpretation of Faiz’s masterpiece.
Hindi Translation
घूम रहा और घूम रहा विस्तृत भंवर में,
बाज़ अब सुन नहीं सकता अपने शिकारी को;
चीज़ें टूट रही हैं; केंद्र थाम नहीं सकता,
सिर्फ अराजकता है जो दुनिया पर छूट पड़ी है,
खून से धूमिल ज्वार उमड़ पड़ा है, और हर जगह
मासूमियत के संस्कार डूब रहे हैं;
श्रेष्ठजनों में विश्वास की कमी है, जबकि निकृष्ट
जोश से भरे हैं।
निश्चित ही कोई रहस्योद्घाटन करीब है;
निश्चित ही दूसरा आगमन निकट है।
दूसरा आगमन! ये शब्द अभी निकले ही थे
कि "स्पिरिटस मुंडी" से एक विशाल छवि
मेरी दृष्टि को विचलित कर देती है: कहीं रेगिस्तान की रेत में
एक आकृति, शेर का शरीर और मनुष्य का सिर,
नज़र ठंडी और सूर्य जितनी निष्ठुर,
धीरे-धीरे अपनी जांघों को हिला रही है, और उसके चारों ओर
गुस्साए रेगिस्तानी पक्षियों की परछाइयाँ झूल रही हैं।
अंधकार फिर छा जाता है; लेकिन अब मुझे पता है
कि बीस सदियों की पत्थर जैसी नींद
एक झूलते पालने ने दुःस्वप्न में बदल दी,
और कौन सा रौद्र पशु, जिसका समय अब आया है,
बेथलेहेम की ओर झुकता चला जा रहा है जन्म लेने के लिए?
Gujarati Translation
ફરતું અને ફરતું વિસ્તરતા વલયમાં,
બાજ હવે તેના શિકારીને સાંભળી શકતો નથી;
જગત વિખરાઈ રહ્યું છે; કેન્દ્ર કાબૂમાં રહી શકતું નથી;
ફક્ત અનિષ્ઠા છે જે દુનિયા પર છવાઈ ગઈ છે,
લોહીથી ધૂંધળું લહેરાટ છૂટેલું છે, અને દરેક જગ્યાએ
નિર્દોષતાની વિધિ ડૂબી રહી છે;
શ્રેષ્ઠજનો નિશ્ચય વિહોણા છે, જ્યારે નીચજાત
ઉગ્ર જજ્બાથી ભરેલા છે।
નિશ્ચિત છે કે કંઈક પ્રકટ થવાનું છે;
નિશ્ચિત છે કે બીજું આગમન નજીક છે।
બીજું આગમન! આ શબ્દો કહેતાં જ
"સ્પિરિટસ મુન્ડી"માંથી એક વિશાળ પ્રતિમાને
મારું દ્રષ્ટિ ખોટી પાડી દે છે: ક્યાંક રેતીના રણમાં
સિંહના શરીર અને માનવના માથાવાળી આકૃતિ,
નજર ઠંડી અને સૂર્ય જેટલી દયાવિહોણી,
મંદપણે તેની થાઈઝ હલાવી રહી છે, અને તેની આજુબાજુ
ક્રોધિત રણના પક્ષીઓની છાયાઓ ડગમગી રહી છે।
આંધારું ફરીથી ફેલાઈ જાય છે; પરંતુ હવે મને ખબર છે
કે વીસ સદીની પથ્થર જેવી ઊંઘ
એક હલતી ઝૂલાથી દુ:સ્વપ્નમાં ફેરાઈ ગઈ છે,
અને કઈ ભયાનક પ્રાણી, જેની વેળા હવે આવી ગઈ છે,
બેઠલેહમ તરફ જન્મ લેવા માટે વળી રહ્યું છે?
by Umashankar Joshi
ભોમિયા વિના મારે ભમવા’તા ડુંગરા,
જંગલની કુંજકુંજ જોવી હતી;
જોવાં’તાં કોતરો ને જોવી’તી કંદરા,
રોતાં ઝરણાંની આંખ લ્હોવી હતી.
સૂના સરવરિયાની સોનેરી પાળે,
હંસોની હાર મારે ગણવી હતી;
ડાળે ઝૂલંત કોક કોકિલાને માળે,
અંતરની વેદના વણવી હતી.
એકલા આકાશ તળે ઊભીને એકલો,
પડઘા ઉરબોલના ઝીલવા ગયો;
વેરાયા બોલ મારા, ફેલાયા આભમાં,
એકલો, અટૂલો ઝાંખો પડ્યો.
આખો અવતાર મારે ભમવા ડુંગરિયા,
જંગલની કુંજકુંજ જોવી ફરી;
ભોમિયા ભૂલે એવી ભમવી રે કંદરા,
અંતરની આંખડી લ્હોવી જરી.
– ઉમાશંકર જોશી
Translation Generated by Chatgpt :
Hindi Translation
भूमि के बिना मुझे भटकना था पर्वतों में,
जंगल की हर कोंपल को देखना था;
गुफाएं देखनी थीं और कंदराओं की खोज,
रोते झरनों की आँखों को पोछना था।
सूने सरोवर के सुनहरे किनारे पर,
हंसों की कतारें मुझे गिननी थीं;
डाल पर झूलते कोयल के गीतों में,
अपने अंतर्मन की वेदना बुननी थी।
अकेले आकाश के नीचे खड़े होकर अकेला,
अपने दिल की गूँज को सुनने गया;
मेरे शब्द बिखर गए, फैल गए आकाश में,
अकेला, अनजान, धुंधला सा मैं रह गया।
सारे जीवनकाल मुझे पर्वतों में घूमना था,
जंगल की हर कोंपल को देखना बार-बार;
ऐसी कंदरा में भटकना था भूलकर जमीन,
अपने भीतर की आँख को जरा सा धोना था।
English Translation
Without ground beneath, I roamed the mountains,
To gaze at every grove in the forest;
To explore the caves and hidden hollows,
And wipe the tears of weeping streams.
On the golden banks of the lonely lake,
I yearned to count the flocks of swans;
In the songs of the swinging cuckoo on the branch,
I sought to weave the pain of my soul.
Alone under the endless sky, I stood solitary,
Listening to the echoes of my own heart;
My words scattered, spread across the heavens,
Alone, unknown, fading into the void.
Through all of life, I wandered the mountains,
Revisiting every grove in the forest again;
To lose myself in caves that forgot the ground,
And cleanse the eye of my soul, if only a little.
Analysis of Translations
1. Syntax
- Hindi: The sentence structure retains the reflective and meditative tone of the original Gujarati. Phrases like "रोते झरनों की आँखों को पोछना था" mirror the original’s wistful longing while maintaining Hindi's grammatical flow.
- English: The syntax is adjusted to match English's linear structure, resulting in simpler and more direct expressions like "To wipe the tears of weeping streams." Some poetic fluidity is sacrificed for clarity.
2. Meter and Sound
- Hindi: The rhyme scheme is preserved to a large extent, with phrases like "झरनों की आँखों" and "कोंपल को देखना" capturing the musicality of the original. However, Hindi lacks the inherent lilting quality of Gujarati, resulting in a slightly heavier tone.
- English: The English translation loses the rhyme and rhythm, relying instead on free verse to convey meaning. While the poetic tone is retained, the metre’s melody is diminished.
3. Grammar
- Hindi and English: Both translations maintain grammatical consistency. Hindi uses verbs like "पोछना था" and "देखना था" to echo the original’s sense of yearning, while English opts for parallelism with verbs like "roamed" and "explore."
4. Cultural Connotations
- Hindi: The imagery of "झरने," "सरोवर," and "कोयल" is well-suited to the Hindi-speaking audience, preserving the cultural resonance of natural elements central to Indian poetics.
- English: The translation makes cultural imagery like "weeping streams" and "flocks of swans" accessible but lacks the deeper cultural and emotional connection tied to Gujarati pastoral traditions. The phrase "cleanse the eye of my soul" attempts to retain spiritual depth but may feel abstract to English readers.
Over all
- Hindi Translation: Captures the original poem’s reflective and lyrical essence while staying true to cultural connotations, though it loses some of Gujarati’s rhythmic charm.
- English Translation: Makes the poem accessible to a global audience but sacrifices rhyme and cultural nuances, emphasizing clarity over poetic subtlety.
Poem 4 :
अभिनंदन अपनी भाषा का
Hindi Poem and Translate it into English and Gujarati
अभिनंदन अपनी भाषा का
करते हैं तन-मन से वंदन, जन-गण-मन की अभिलाषा का
अभिनंदन अपनी संस्कृति का, आराधन अपनी भाषा का।
यह अपनी शक्ति सर्जना के माथे की है चंदन रोली
माँ के आँचल की छाया में हमने जो सीखी है बोली
यह अपनी बँधी हुई अंजुरी ये अपने गंधित शब्द सुमन
यह पूजन अपनी संस्कृति का यह अर्चन अपनी भाषा का।
अपने रत्नाकर के रहते किसकी धारा के बीच बहें
हम इतने निर्धन नहीं कि वाणी से औरों के ऋणी रहें
इसमें प्रतिबिंबित है अतीत आकार ले रहा वर्तमान
यह दर्शन अपनी संस्कृति का यह दर्पण अपनी भाषा का।
यह ऊँचाई है तुलसी की यह सूर-सिंधु की गहराई
टंकार चंद वरदाई की यह विद्यापति की पुरवाई
जयशंकर की जयकार निराला का यह अपराजेय ओज
यह गर्जन अपनी संस्कृति का यह गुंजन अपनी भाषा का।
– सोम ठाकुर
English Translation
We offer heartfelt reverence,
To the aspirations of our people’s anthem immense.
Salutations to our culture profound,
Adoration to our language’s sound.
This is the sacred vermilion on creation's brow,
The language learned beneath mother’s shadow.
These cupped hands and fragrant word-flowers,
Are worship of our culture’s powers,
This devotion to our language showers.
Why drift in foreign streams when our ocean abounds?
Why be indebted to others when our speech resounds?
This reflects the past and shapes today’s vision,
This philosophy of our culture, this mirror of tradition.
This is Tulsi’s exalted height,
The depth of Surdas’ oceanic might.
The echo of Chand Bardai’s valorous refrain,
Vidyaapati’s breeze from the Mithila plain.
The triumph of Jaishankar, Nirala’s unbeaten fire,
This roar of our culture, this language that inspires.
Gujarati Translation
અભિનંદન પોતાની ભાષાનું,
જનગણમનની આભિલાષાનું.
અભિવંદન આ સંસ્કૃતિનું,
આરાધન આ ભાષાનું.
આ છે સર્જનના મસ્તકનું ચંદન,
માતાના આંચળની શીતળ ભાષા છે ગંધન.
આ બંધાયેલી અજંુરી ને સુગંધિત શબ્દ ફૂલ છે,
આ પૂજન આ સંસ્કૃતિનું, આ અર્ચન આ ભાષાનું.
અમારા સાગર ભણતર અને ભીતરે છે પ્રવાહો,
અમે વિદેશી પ્રવાહમાં કેમ વહેવું?
આ વાણીએ ઇતિહાસ અને આજના દેખાવને વ્યક્ત કરે છે,
આ દર્પણ છે સંસ્કૃતિનું, આ દર્શન છે ભાષાનું.
આ તુલસીનું મહાન ઉચ્ચતા છે,
સૂરદાસના સાગરના ઊંડાણ છે.
ચંદ બરદાઈનો ગુંજત ટંકાર છે,
વિદ્યાપતિની મધુરા પૂવાછું મહેંક છે.
જયશંકરનો જયઘોષ ને નિરાલાનો અજેય તેજ,
આ ગર્જના છે સંસ્કૃતિની, આ ગુંજ છે ભાષાની.
Analysis of Translations
1. Syntax
- English: The English version adapts the syntax to maintain clarity while preserving poetic imagery. Parallelism is used, as in "This philosophy of our culture, this mirror of tradition."
- Gujarati: The Gujarati translation retains the original syntax closely, with phrases like "માતાના આંચળની શીતળ ભાષા" mirroring the Hindi rhythm.
2. Meter and Sound
- English: Efforts are made to retain rhythmic cadence through parallel structures and rhymes, though the original metre is not entirely preserved due to English's linguistic limitations.
- Gujarati: The natural musicality of Gujarati allows for closer adherence to the original rhyme and rhythm, with lines like "આ પૂજન આ સંસ્કૃતિનું" flowing melodically.
3. Grammar
- English and Gujarati: Both translations carefully follow grammatical rules while maintaining the poetic essence. Verbs and nouns are adjusted for tense and meaning, such as "reflects" for प्रतिबिंबित and "બનાવટ" for आकार.
4. Cultural Connotations
- English: Cultural symbols like "Tulsi," "Surdas," and "Jaishankar" are retained as they hold universal recognition in Indian culture, though their deeper significance may require contextual explanation for global readers.
- Gujarati: The cultural references resonate deeply with Gujarati-speaking audiences, with phrases like "વિદ્યાપતિની મધુરા પૂવાછું" evoking regional and literary pride.
Over all
- English Translation: Balances accessibility with poetic depth, though it compromises on metre and cultural specificity.
- Gujarati Translation: Closely mirrors the original in rhythm, tone, and cultural nuances, making it highly evocative for native speakers.
Hindi Translation
मुझसे पहली सी मोहब्बत मेरे महबूब न मांग
मैंने समझा था कि तू है तो रोशन है ज़िंदगी
तेरा ग़म है तो दुनिया के ग़म से क्या वास्ता
तेरे चेहरे से ही बहारें दुनिया में टिकी हैं
तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रखा क्या है
तू जो मिल जाए तो क़िस्मत झुक जाए
ऐसा नहीं था, मैंने बस चाहा था ऐसा हो
और भी दुःख हैं दुनिया में मोहब्बत के सिवा
और भी सुकून हैं मिलन के सुख के सिवा
अनगिनत सदियों की काली, हिंसक जादूगरी
रेशम, ऐटलस, और कीमती कपड़ों में बुनी हुई
हर गली और बाज़ार में बिकते हुए जिस्म
मिट्टी में लिपटे हुए, खून से नहाए हुए
बीमारियों की भट्टियों से निकले हुए शरीर
पीप टपकते हुए, सड़ते हुए नासूरों से
नज़र वहीं चली जाती है, पर क्या कीजिए
अब भी तेरा हुस्न दिलकश है, मगर क्या कीजिए
और भी दुःख हैं दुनिया में मोहब्बत के सिवा
और भी सुकून हैं मिलन के सुख के सिवा
मुझसे पहली सी मोहब्बत मेरे महबूब न मांग
English Translation
Do not ask me for the love I once gave you, my beloved
I had thought that if I had you, life would shine
If your sorrow was mine, what else would matter?
Your beauty gave permanence to the world’s spring
What worth does the world have beyond your eyes?
If I have you, destiny would bow before me
It was not like this—I had only wished it to be so
But there are other griefs in this world besides love
Other joys exist apart from the joy of union
Countless centuries’ dark, brutal enchantment
Woven into silks, satins, and brocades
Bodies sold in every street and marketplace
Covered in dust, drenched in blood
Bodies emerging from furnaces of diseases
Pus flowing, sores rotting away
The gaze turns to these, what can one do?
Even now, your beauty is enchanting—but what can one do?
There are other griefs in this world besides love
Other joys exist apart from the joy of union
Do not ask me for the love I once gave you, my beloved
